For years I believed my strength came from my independence. Only now am I beginning to realise that the sensitivity I hid for much of my life may in fact be my greatest strength.
The truth is that both of course come with their blessings and their curses. Do you know what your greatest strength is and how this might help and hinder you?
International Women’s Day is this Sunday (8th March), and it’s a moment to pause and reflect on what it means to be a woman in the world today.
A friend posed the question earlier in the week, do you think men have more power? My immediate response was “absolutely, they do”.
All you need to do is look at who is running the world, running the companies, making the decisions and shaping the systems we live within. In many cases, it is still white men. Look at global politics, or the FTSE 100 – the majority of CEOs are still male. Interesting fact, in 2026 there are more men called Andrew or Simon running FTSE 100 companies than there are women (11 versus 9).
That’s not to say there hasn’t been progress, but it is slow. And shockingly, some of the rights we now take for granted in the UK have only relatively recently come into place, almost within my lifetime.
For example, in the UK:
- Until 1975, women needed a male guarantor (typically a husband or father) to secure a mortgage, loan, or even a credit card.
- Until 1975, women could legally be refused a job or promotion simply for being female.
- The Equal Pay Act only came fully into force in 1975 – and we still have a gender pay gap today (currently around 12.8%).
And there are more stats where these came from. Thanks google AI.
Yet around the world, women’s rights are far from equal and even in developed countries they are often fragile or under threat.
Thinking about all of this has made me reflect on my own experience growing up. I am lucky to have never felt that being a woman has knowingly impacted me negatively. I never felt like I couldn’t do something, or go somewhere because I was female. And that’s my privilege.
We talk about privilege and power in our POINT3 Inclusive Leadership training and when I first came across the term I found it very confronting and became quite defensive. I felt myself thinking, well I’ve worked hard to get to where I am today, don’t take that away from me, by calling it ‘privilege’. But I was missing the point. Privilege and power in the context of inclusion is about recognising that not everyone starts from the same starting line – some begin far behind, facing barriers that I could never imagine, while others, like me, may start further ahead. The best way to understand privilege and power is to watch this video that we share in our training. I warn you now, it is pretty emotive, so get the tissues out.
I’ve also been reflecting the last few weeks on the idea of masculine and feminine energy that we all have, regardless of gender. This isn’t woo-woo stuff, another way to think about it is that feminine energy tends to be associated with emotional awareness, intuition and connection, whereas masculine energy is often linked to logic, structure and action. And we all have both, but one is more dominant than the other, and we can dial them up or move between, consciously and unconsciously.
I’ve been reflecting on how I’ve changed over the years and how over the last few years in particular I’ve been trying to lean into my feminine energy more.
I grew up the youngest of three to two older brothers and went to boarding school aged 9. Mum was very independent bringing us up often by herself as Dad was away with work for long periods of time. I believe all of this contributed to me moving into my masculine energy as a default from an early age. I’m fiercely independent, I have believed I am able to do anything and go anywhere even on my own from a young age. I am goal-orientated, disciplined and have been ambitious throughout my life. All of these are very masculine energies. Society also drives us to lean into our masculine energy, to succeed in a man’s world.
But at what cost? I think that by leaning into my masculine, I lost some of the ability to be vulnerable, to show my emotions, to be okay with showing up as a less than perfect version of myself. And this has had consequences, particularly in my romantic relationships, where my ‘independence’ and outward resilience has prevented a deeper connection from forming. The irony is that the deeper connections we all want – in all types of relationships – only really happen when we allow ourselves to be truly seen (faults and all). When we show the messy parts, the uncertain parts, the emotional parts. When we stop trying to appear perfectly capable all of the time. I’ve really felt that shift in my deeper relationships over the last 5 years, but it’s still work in progress.
When I was in the corporate world, I had a drive that was far more masculine which worked for me in the male dominated industries I worked in – from golf, to cars, to telecoms. Unconsciously to succeed I was behaving more male and I think many women do this, unconsciously. But I think this contributed to me burning out, because I wasn’t being truly authentic to who I really was at my core. I was suppressing my emotional, sensitive side behind a mask of perfection. Obviously the mask fell a number of times – when things got on top of me and I burst into tears (you can only suppress for so long). And this was on a couple of occasions met with – “you’re so emotional”, which of course leads to feelings of shame and embarrassment. Okay, so then the brain went into protect mode, and I let my strength and resilience overpower my sensitive side once more, suppressing all those emotions – which were signals that I was ignoring – telling me to be more me, to be more authentic.
In many ways, this is the work we now do at POINT3 – helping people understand themselves better so they can live and lead with more awareness and authenticity. When we discover more about ourselves and look at what we call our strengths and weaknesses, we realise that view is often too binary. It’s about context. As in one environment what might appear like a strength might show up as a weakness in another and vice versa.
My fierce independence has helped me get to where I am today and I’m proud to be independent, but I have discovered that the near enemy of this, is not letting people truly know, see me or help me.
When I lean into my vulnerable side, my sensitivity comes out. And one of the things I’ve come to appreciate about my sensitivity is that it allows me to feel what others are feeling, which helps us to connect. But it can be a blessing and a curse. Sensitivity means we often feel things more deeply – not just our own emotions, but the emotions of others too. And that can feel overwhelming at times, but if we can accept that this is the price of a deeper connection, then it’s worth it.
If I could tell my younger self something it would be – ask for help more, ask questions more, let people in, let people see all of you, you can’t do it alone, you don’t need to do it all alone, you don’t need to control everything. There is no weakness in any of that. In fact, not doing these things is the weakness. Therein lies today’s lesson and paradox, that in my vulnerability and sensitivity, lies my strength.
This lesson really came into focus for me this January when Paul and I did a 6 week salsa course. It was a Christmas present from Paul, an invitation to learn something together, to take us out of our comfort zone and boy did it do just that! From the first class, the teacher spotted me and called me out. There I was trying to lead. It took the whole 6 weeks for me to learn to let go and follow. It was hard, there are years of conditioning to undo when it comes to releasing ego, control and the instinct to lead – all rather masculine energies.
Now this isn’t to say that the dance floor is a good metaphor for life and how to live our lives as women today… but in some situations it’s okay not to be the leader all the time. It’s about recognising when it’s someone else’s turn to lead and letting go of the control. That’s vulnerability in action. And this is my life’s work in progress. I can’t control every situation and that’s okay. If we resist, that’s where the struggle and tension can come in. I see this play out in my relationship with Paul… and it’s still work in progress… a relationship with two masculine energies all of the time doesn’t work. But also men can benefit from moving into their feminine energies too… but that’s another post for another blog and time!
So, coming back to where I started, I am proud to be female. And I am proud to be sensitive. But I am also proud to be independent and resilient. None of these qualities need to compete. They can coexist. The key is awareness – knowing that we all have these different energies within us and with conscious thought we can dial them up or down depending on the moment.
Sensitivity allows us to feel deeply and to empathise with others. Independence allows us to be comfortable on our own, knowing that we will be okay. Vulnerability allows real connection to happen.
To all the women out there doing their best to survive and thrive in today’s world – navigating work, relationships, expectations and identity – you are extraordinary.
And if I could share one final thought with my younger self it would be this – try to live as authentically as you can in any moment. That in itself is both a strength and, in many ways, still a privilege.
Perhaps the real work of a lifetime is learning to recognise our greatest strengths – especially when they may first appear as something we learned to hide.
As Brené Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection:
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.”
Happy Friday! x
Not The Mayo Clinic 