I’ve struggled this week to find my flow. ‘Flow’ is my chosen word of the year – a compass if you like to keep me on track in every part of my life – from work, my relationships and every aspect of how I live my life, including specific activities like this, here, now – my writing.
What have I been struggling with and why? Well as part of setting my word of the year back at the beginning of the year, I set myself the goal of writing this blog every week, every Friday. And if I’m really honest, the pressure has started to mount. My own pressure, my own sense of that drive for perfection each week. To complete the task, to do it to the best of my ability, to make it thorough and interesting, to make it feel authentically me… the list goes on. And I was spending longer and longer on each blog, doing more and more research to make sure that what I said was just right and accurate. And it was taking the joy away from the whole process!
Therein lies the problem and the lesson. I’ve been getting in the way of myself. The old sense of self has been rearing its head. My ego has been taking over. And I’m forgetting the why. Why am I even doing this? Oh yes, it’s to find flow… Haha, there’s the paradox!
I very nearly didn’t write anything this week. I thought, that’s okay, I can have a week off. No one will notice. Haha, there’s my ego again… who am I doing this for? The goal wasn’t for external validation, it was for me. For my own enjoyment and pleasure and release and…
So, I thought to myself. Let’s disrupt this process. And do it a bit differently today. Let’s do it in a way that feels in line with all that I have learned over the last decade of my life. Let’s do it in a way that feels more authentically me. Let’s do it in a way that’s less structured, less forced, less perfect.
I set the timer for 60 minutes.
I dropped into my body and focused in on my breath for a couple of minutes.
And then I started writing.
And that was 13 minutes ago now. I’ve just checked the timer!
So, let me begin by sharing some of the things that I have been reflecting on this week. This week (Tuesday 17th February) was the start of the new lunar year – the Year of the Fire Horse. There’s been so much chat about this new year across my social channels. Last year was the Year of the Snake – a year for shedding, for quiet transformation and spiritual growth. While this year is for intentional action, for courage, for expansion, for freedom, for breakthroughs.
This resonates deeply for me. Strangely ‘Courage’ was my word of the year last year – and it was one I needed to help me cope with the difficulty of caring for my Dad and Mum and then subsequently, to help me with the next stage of the grieving process when Dad died in November. So much of my life felt like it was on hold last year, like it wasn’t appropriate for me to grow while I was grieving my Dad. What was important was to be there for him and for my Mum. And I have no regrets about that. Interestingly, something did grow last year, and that was my relationship with Paul. It can’t have been easy for him supporting me through all the pain and struggle of the year. But, he was an incredible support and our relationship reached a depth I’ve never experienced in a romantic relationship before.
Entering 2026 felt like a blank new canvas. I was ready to re-enter my life and live it fully. And that coincides with turning 50 this year – so it feels like the perfect time to have a reset. There’s so much pressure at the start of the new year to reset isn’t there? Yet it’s really not the best time to reset. Nature is quiet, resting, waiting… why are we so keen to start the new year off with such big goals and aspirations when all around us, life is still?
This week feels more like a time to reset – around the time of the new lunar calendar. Nature seems ready. There are lovely primroses and daffodils peeking through in my garden. There are buds on the trees. The mornings are light again. The days are longer. This feels like the time to start thinking about aspirations for the year ahead – certainly for me it does.
So, here I am thinking about The year of the Fire Horse and my word of the year – Flow, and how I can lean into both to help me make the most of the year ahead.
Two things comes to mind – 1/ authenticity and 2/ force (well the opposite of force actually) – maybe that is flow come to think of it? Not forcing anything – like the writing, for example. Having direction but not trying too hard to control the outcome.
It might seem strange to say that as I approach the age of 50 – can I really be sure who I am? And how might I answer that question anyhow?
Well funnily enough I have already responded to this question in one of our POINT3 training sessions this week. The session was all about self-awareness and understanding ourselves so that we can better understand others – the groundwork of high performing relationships. And we start the session with the question – Who are You? There are no rules with this exercise, other than a time limit to respond in whatever way feels right at the time. This week we had three minutes. We always do the exercises too. And here is what I wrote:
I am… a nearly 50 year old female who is reflecting a lot on the next 50 years and how to make those as happy and healthy as can be. I’m at the age where my parents are needing to be cared for and sadly my father died last year after a tough 6 months. This is giving me perspective on what can I do and learn from them (my parents) about how I want my next half of my life to go. I love being outside in nature, I love spending time with my family and friends, with my partner and I’m generally trying to slow down more to appreciate life – the ordinary as much as the extraordinary.
I wrote it not with the intention of sharing it – although I did share it with Nicky (my friend and POINT3 business partner) after the session.
If you’re reading this blog still (!) why not have a go at this exercise? Set your timer for three minutes and write whatever flows in response to “I am…”
There are no rights or wrongs about this exercise. But it might give you an insight into what’s front of mind for you right now, which probably points to the things that are most significant to you in the moment. Every time I do this exercise I respond in a slightly different way. And it’s a good starting point to help you with whatever reset you might want to introduce into your life.
Quick time check. I have 19 minutes 14 seconds left.
What’s interesting as I reflect back on my paragraph is that there’s no mention of work in there. Now I’m asking myself why… as my work is so important to me. Perhaps it’s because it feels constant, it feels comfortable. Haha, that’s an interesting insight for me! Something I also can hear myself saying in the training we delivered this week is “Your comfort zone might feel comfy and safe, but nothing grows there.”
We’re also in the process of having a reset at POINT3 – I don’t think I’m oversharing by saying this! We’ve been talking for a while about how we need to re-energise ourselves. We registered the business 8 years ago this month, and started fully working on it in June 2018. And while I’m so passionate about what we do, we recognise that as we approach our 10th year, we need a reset, we need to shake things up. And the timing feels right for this as we enter the Year of the Fire Horse… to put the fire in our bellies again.
So, as I think about how I end today’s post, I suppose I’m looking inward to the teacher in me (and we all have one of those)… and this is what I’ve learned:
- to take intentional action towards what I’m passionate about
- to be authentically me to help me find my flow (drop the ego)
- to remember that I write for me first, and if anyone relates to what I write, that’s a bonus
- to let go of trying to control things too much (a reminder that I sometimes describe myself as a recovering perfectionist)
- to keep checking inwards, and ask myself am I living in line with my values, am I living in line with the type of person and life I want to live?
- Oh, and a reset can happen at any time of year… 🙂
And here I am at the end of today’s writing experiment, with 6 minutes 22 seconds left on the clock, having written 1,582 words.
Happy Friday! x
p.s. now I need to find a photo for this blog. I went into my phone and typed in moon, and found this amazing photo from 20 March 2015, 09.39. I have no idea where it came from, did I take it?! What was I even doing on that day back then… my curiosity has been piqued. I might add a p.p.s 🙂
Not The Mayo Clinic 