This Sunday is the London Marathon, the victory lap for all those who have pounded the pavements since January in preparation. Just thinking about it makes me feel nervous and I’m not even running! But I know what it takes and it’s easier for me to imagine myself in the running shoes of the 35,000 people who will line up on Sunday morning to take part.
26 years ago I took part in the London Marathon, my first ever marathon, aged 23, alongside two great friends Becca and Vicki… I remember having the goal of wanting to go sub 4 hours, haha, I think many have that goal for their first marathon. 4 hours and 28 minutes later I crossed the line. Wow, it was tough. I remember hitting the wall around 18 miles and the long slog after that. But the crowds were amazing, and the buzz of taking part in such an incredible mass participation event was exhilarating.
I also remember thinking “never again” as I crossed the finish line! Like so many do. Fast forward ten years to 2010, and I lined up again at the London marathon for my second attempt at going sub 4 hours! I’d put in the miles and the hard graft of training, and did manage to take 12 minutes off my time, coming in 4 hours and 16 minutes later. Still a long way from that elusive sub 4 goal though…
Over the next 9 years I entered what I now look back on as “My Running Years“… I took part in many races over that time – half marathons around the UK, some trail runs in France and Switzerland, and an ultra run in South Africa. I was running after that sub 4 marathon and I was almost certainly running away from something else too, not that I knew it at the time!
Over that time my training got better and my times got faster and in 2016, on my second attempt at Paris Marathon, I finally went under 4 hours – finishing in a time of 3 hours and 57 minutes. Of course I was elated. For a moment. And then I felt I had more to prove, and wanted to go even faster. That’s the problem with goals, the goal posts can change and that’s okay, but a deeper understanding of why something’s important to you is fundamental, otherwise you can keep chasing empty goals and wonder why you never feel satisfied once you’ve achieved them. Something I was yet to learn.
In fact, it took me another 4 marathon attempts to realise this! Fast forward to 2019 and Copenhagen marathon. I’d done the training – the mileage, the Yasso track training, and hill training too. Everything was in place for me to get a new PB – 3.45 was what I was aiming for. I picked up a bug a few week’s out, which is pretty standard when you’re marathon training. You think you’re the fittest you can be, but really at that level your immunity is being pushed to the limits, the risk of injury is high, and the risk of picking up a winter bug is high too. The day of the marathon came, I’d coincided it with visiting a couple of friends (hello Niru and Jurate!) and I’d enjoyed some great carb loading on Danish pastries in the few days before. It was a beautiful day, very warm, and I set out on the run… the atmosphere was amazing. The support was incredible. I knew I’d done the training, so I was confident that I could get my new PB. I missed out on it by 39 seconds! As it turned out, I was a long way off the actual goal of 3.45 coming in at 3.57 again. But do you know what, I actually didn’t mind. It was a revelation, the first of a few that have happened since when it comes to my relationship with running.
So, why do I run?
Well, now the reason I run is very different to back during “my running years”. It was Dad who first installed the idea of running a marathon into me, and then Mum. Both of them took part in the Edinburgh marathon as a 40th birthday challenge. Pretty amazing back then (1983 and 1985 respectively) when marathon running or mass participation events weren’t so common place. Nowadays, many of my friends have taken part in at least one marathon, if not more. Back then, not many of my parents’ friends were doing the same. Both my parents stopped at one marathon.
After my first marathon, it took me 10 years before I got back into it, and it so happened to coincide with getting divorced. Not a coincidence actually, with the benefit of hindsight. Over the next ten years, running became my coping strategy. It became part of my identity (I wrote about it often) and a way to manage the stress of work and life. It definitely helped me in the short-term by giving me focus outside of work and as an outlet for stress, but it hindered me – in the long term. I was running away from the emotional pain that I was feeling at the time. Getting divorced brings up many emotions – grief, loneliness, shame, frustration – and I wasn’t able to face them or understand them. I didn’t know how, other than by running through them or away from them. The problem happens when you don’t realise what’s going on – when you start repeating patterns that don’t serve you. When you keep searching for something that’s not out there. To really move forward, you have to face the emotions and the emotional pain of “failures” and disappointments, and know they don’t define you unless we allow them to.
I’m not pretending that I’ve got it all nailed now! But, I do have more self-awareness and an appreciation of who I am to recognise what’s going on and why, and the tools to better adapt and to decipher what the hell is going on when I feel certain things, as well as a deeper understanding of what’s important to me and what’s not.
Now I am running far less and for different reasons. I’m not trying to chase a PB (although, I can feel my ego tell me otherwise sometimes!) – I’m not trying to prove something to myself (or others). I run because I genuinely feel better for it. 30 minutes is all it takes now. It is my soul-food. Something I do for my mental health more than for my physical health, although no doubt there are many physical benefits from even 30 minutes of running once a week.
Lexi, my personal trainer, shared a really interesting podcast with me this week. It’s only 30 minutes long and it was really helpful to explain a few facts and bust a few myths about running, two specifically have stayed front of mind, namely;
- Running is bad for you
- Running feels good because of endorphins
Running is bad for you
This is an interesting one! I’d say, it depends on your relationship with running whether it’s bad for you or not. And it depends how often you get injured. The podcast shares that injury happens more for runners because they push their body too hard too soon. Our body can only cope with increasing 5% each week on average – that’s not very much at all when you break it down. But it makes sense. I know so many people who get injured from running and without knowing what they’ve done, I’d take a guess they increased their distance by more than 5% and their body (bones, tendons and joints) weren’t able to cope. I’ve suffered a number of running injuries over the years, and that’s something I actively want to avoid now, so that’s why I choose to run so little – if I’m not training for something.
Running feels good because of endorphins
The podcast also shares that it’s not the endorphins (they might contribute from a pain relief perspective) that give you the “runner’s high” – it’s the endocannabinoids – the bodies own cannabis – that is released that gives you the natural high that some runners experience. And not everyone experiences it, so if you’re one of them, then you’re not alone! I tend to feel good after a run, and often not during a run. Why? The scientist on the podcast reveals that endocannabinoids tend to be released when you’re running in Zone 3 (70% to 80% of your maximum heart rate) and they typically kick in after 10 minutes. Which makes sense as I’m often running in Zone 2. So, that’s something I will look to do more of when I run – push myself – even through little bursts of sprints to get my heart rate in to the upper zones.
The podcast also reveals that the benefits of running don’t increase the longer you run for! That’s wild to me, but it’s also reassuring, given how little I run at the moment. But that’s soon to change…
As I have one more marathon in me.
I’m taking part in the New York Marathon (with Paul) on 1st November this year, which happens to also be my 50th birthday! It will be my 10th marathon too. I’m nervous. I’m excited.
And I’m sure I’ll have more to say on how I’m feeling about it as my training kicks in this summer…
In the meantime, good luck to all those running the London Marathon on Sunday. Enjoy as much as you can! Consider it your victory lap after all that training 🙂 Soak up the atmosphere. Keep hydrated. And don’t go out too fast at the beginning!
Happy Friday! x
Not The Mayo Clinic 